The Dreaded Question!

Being blissfully married (apart from the constant bickering with one's spouse) for the past 3 year, I can say that I'm quite happy and content with what I have and will strive for an improved married life insyaallah. Being born and bred in the Asian culture, your married life is never complete without having a child. Um...! Let me rephrase that, "without having children (hell yes its in plural)!

I bet every childless married couple with face the same dreaded question that I face 'WHEN ARE YOU GUYS HAVING A BABY'. I wish I could receive 10 bucks every time I'm  being asked the dreaded question, I would have settled my study loan and maybe even travel around Europe.

To choose to have a child or not to have a child in the Asian context is a very controversial subject and the childless couple will have to answer each and every dreaded question as if one is walking on a tight rope. I will enlighten you with 2 situation that I faced in the past 3 years.

Situation 1.

Friend 1: "oh my god! It's been so long since I have seen you. How's life?"
Me       : "Life's good. Have a dream job (not so much of the dream as it turns out to be). Surviving"
Friend 1: "oh I see, You' ve been married for 2 years? (I nodded my head. Hating this conversation as I know where the topic is headed) So how many kids?"
Me: None yet ( I smiled.)
Friend 1: Oh! (And gave me the sympathetic look that means your miserable). Are you guys trying? Have you guys checked?
Me: Huh! (My blood starts to simmer. I gave a not so genuine laugh) hahahah. Oh well, currently we are going with the flow. If Allah say's its time then its time, but if he says no then it is a no :) (hoping that she will drop the subject) \
Friend: Maybe you should see a gynecologist. Your biological clock is ticking and the older you get the tougher it will be".
Me: *smile* ( Blood boiling to a 100 degree. WT %&* just because you have a baby it makes you an expert! And what makes you think I'm effing infertile?"). *smile*

Situation 2.

Friend 2 : Hey heard you're married! I can't believe its with that guy. I thought you guys weren't serious!
Me : Me too! *laugh jokingly*
Friend 2: Any kids yet?
Me: Going with the flow, but not complaining as I have a lot of responsibility and we are not that stable yet. We'll see, maybe when i reach 30 *smile*
Friend 2: Do not say that! (Gave me the look as if I have mentioned the F word in front of a child) That is too late to have a child and a child is a "rezeki" from Allah. Insyaallah your life will be better once you have a child. You have to work hard if you want a child. Have you seen any gynecologist?
Me : *smile* (hating this holier than thou people. Why only mention Rezeki? Why not mention a child is the greatest Amanah Allah sent down upon you and your spouse and that you will be accountable for all the action she make until she is married or baligh"

So you see, people who ask this dreaded question judge you and your married life by how many children you have. They fail to understand that they are encroaching one's private affair. And the most important thing that they fail to understand that EVERYTHING THAT HAPPEN IN A PERSON LIFE IS BASE ON ALLAH'S WILL "KUN FA YA KUN"! So I may or may not want a child of my own but that is my choice and it is in the will of Allah.

These days if anyone asks me the dreaded question, my answer to them is " Why not ask Allah? He knows best and I am nothing but his humble servant". It shuts most of the people up but the ever persistent one. So do I want a child of my own or not? Well that is none of anyone's business beside me and my spouse.

So for those of you out there who keep asking that kind of question I leave you with 10 reasons why you should just your mouth. The reason are:

1. Its their PRIVACY
2. You will HURT their feeling
3. It is their RIGHT to choose
4. Only Allah can JUDGE
5. WHY do you need to know (for self fulfillment?)
6. You are not going to HELP them to take care of the child
7. You are not going TO GIVE MONEY to help them pay for the child's expenses
8. You are not going to COMMIT your entire life to the child. They are!
9. You are not going to be ACCOUNTABLE for the child's actions. They are!
10. Lastly, it is none of your BUSINESS.

ALIRAN... Whats Aliran?

I first heard the word Aliran was when I was 7 years old  ( if my memory does not fail me) and it was associated with none other than Chandra Muzaffar himself. When my parents spoke about Aliran, the impression they gave was about 40-60 extremely bright and clever old men and women who sits around a table and conspire   plan how to make the world a better place (mind you at the age of 7, my vocabulary is extremely limited so practically the word "conspire" and "intellectual discourse" was extremely hard for me to comprehend). I called them the "dead poet society" of Malaysia. 

When Chandra Muzaffar associates himself with politics, I thought that the "dead poet society" of Malaysia was dead. It never occurs to me that they have survived all this year with their interesting and intellectual writing. It was only logical to me to come up with that very particular assumption was for the very reason that they were extremely infamous and their publication could not be found anywhere. (Hell yes I was wrong for making those assumptions.)

On 7 of September,  I was given the chance by Aliran to participate in a youth workshop . It was an interesting workshop (apart from being lost and late for 1/2 an hour -no thanks to the stupid google map that was pointing to 3 different bloody location). I was extremely uncomfortable during the introductions was for the very fact that most of the participants have such impressive profile with their name. Whoa boy it was so impressive that it makes me look like a nincompoop  and not to mention they are all so young- and here stand a 28 year old girl with an average IQ who has not been reading any intellectual discourse for a very long time ( I guess fantasy and sci-fi novel just doesn't count). I was so insecure with myself that i wish that a hole will appear and swallow me  up to oblivion but i withstand it all and survived. 

So many things were discussed during the workshop it starts of  Multiculturalism in Malaysia. (Amiss the shouting by the whole Kampung Makam on the goal that Malaysians score , I have seriously forgotten about the points that I really want to write about. Damn you football!!!) I believe that there are some sense of insecurities within every race in Malaysia. Me as a person realize and know that racism is wrong. As much as i do not want to be racist, sometime my thinkings and comments can be racist at times. I would not realize it until the damage is done.

I guess it's hard to ingrain in your brain not to be judged on race since your so use to it. i guess old habits die hard. However I will try my best to keep myself in check :)

Some of the youth that joins the workshop have been writing to Aliran for their TA-online where they can write about the issues that concern them as a youth. Here is the link to one of my favorite article "To be Young and Naive". It is such a brilliant article that speak close to the heart. If you want to read more articles by Aliran Exco and writers, do visit their webpage.

You can also show your support and engage with them via Facebook and Twitter.

P/S: Do leave a comment on how gramatical unsound I am so that i can learn from my mistake. Domo Arigato Ne (^_^)

UP and ABOUT

Finally!!! Finally!! Finally!! I Finally have the time and the means to update this blog. Where do i begin hurmm???

Okay after the career setback i face in 2012.. (going to a lot of interview and fail) i have finally entered the NGO world. I am first and foremost thankful to Allah for hearing my prayers and to the NGO for giving me the opportunity to prove myself that I am a loser some claims me to be.There were so many interesting event that took place for the past 4 months I've been there. 

 "Child and Youth Justice Within the Malaysian Legal System" by the Voice of the Children

The first week I joined the NGO, I was given the chance to attend a training called "Child and Youth Justice Within the Malaysian Legal System" by the Voice of the Children for two days. Being a person with zero legal background, my supervisor helped me a lot in explaining the legal terminology that was used in the training. The training open up my eyes to the reality of Malaysian judicial system in Malaysia and how at some point it is a discrimination towards children. It also explained clearly how restorative justice can help a child and the community through healing. Case law were used to discuss on the impact of the sentencing to the child and whether or not it was in the best interest of the child. I've made several new friends and they open up my mind to the endless possibility of what you want to achieve in life as long as you have the passion for it and not to forget to work hard to achieve it.

Victim Court Support.

Another interesting that happened to me was that i was given the chance to follow the social worker and my supervisor to provide support for the victims and their family that are attending the court. First experience was at a Shariah Court, even the case was postponed to another date, I could see the frustration that the victim was feeling as she burst into tears when she had to wait for another month for a hearing. She was and still is a domestic violence victim. As most people should know, the Shariah court proceeding is so damn long-winded that no one with the logical mind could understand why. Has Islam makes it so difficult for a victim to request a divorce from her abuser? (I'll get into this discussion when i have an in-depth knowledge pertaining this matter).

It was later in the month of may  I was yet given another chance to tag along  to a sentencing in a criminal court. It was an Incest+rape case. I awoke early that morning feeling groggy from the lack of sleep i faced and the lack of caffeine entering my brain, wore my most presentable outfit got in the car and sleep(i guess i was to exhausted). Once i reached the court i look over for a place to sit. The benches outside the court was nearly full filled by the public and some lawyers waiting for the court to start. I took a sit beside and elderly man, he reminds me of my dad except that his hair is white and deep in my head i wonder what he is here for, maybe accompanying someone i thought. After 15 minutes of waiting and getting impatience due to the hunger and caffeine withdrawal, i saw the social worker calling me from a far. I raised my brow and wonder whether i got the wrong court. As i reached her, i saw she was flustered and saw that the elderly man was looking towards our direction. "Pasai apa kak TM? Court dah start ka?" i asked her. "Belum lagi. Tak pa kita dok kat sini dulu. Kita tak boleh dok kat sana because the perpetrator is  there." she said. I was quite shocked and i turn over to look at the crowd, no one fits the look of a rapist. "Yang mana satu kak TM. Tak dak sapa pon nampak rupa macam the perpetrator??" I said. "Laaa... you sat beside him." said TM and that shocked me. So that is when i learn the Rape myth buster no 1. A RAPIST LOOK JUST LIKE ANY ORDINARY PEOPLE!!!. Later, he was sentenced to 12 years in jail with no whipping because he was more that 50 years old ( and that is the law in Malaysia)

I will update some of the other events that took place in my next post if it is Allah's will. 

I need to start translating the NGO's court booklet. Dateline given is middle of September. Wish me luck :)

Owh and the NGO is none other than :------

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Life's little... Set back

Life's and its set back... so what's new.. yea .. with less than 2 years of reaching the BIG 30, you can't help but ponder as to what life has to offer . At the most crucial turning my point in my life, I'm suffering from one of the worst setback so far. Life is no longer a roller coaster, but one hell of whirlwind of a never ending cycle of  frustration, anger, sadness.. just to name a few.  With all the craziness that life is offering me right now, I sit back for breather.. pondering and digesting what have I evolve into. Have I become the women I dreamt of being, Have I become the wife that I dreamt of being, and have I become the adult I dreamt of being at this stage in my life.

In April 2012, I read a letter I wrote to myself when I was 18. I realize that I was an idealist back then. As I continue to read the letter, my world-view of life have evolved from an Idealist to a die hard Realist. I guess this is the journey we call life.. All i can say is.. BRING IT ON!!

My motto now days is LILLAHI TAA'LA

Monotonous

                                                   

                                         I am living a monotonous life!

Cleanin out the attics....

Hahaue finally put her foot down on the issue of packing and cleaning up my old stuff... Somehow it doesn't look xciting at all... I lost most of my stuff when Ottosan  accidently burn my box away... But there is somethings left... Firtsly i found my diaries since i was 6..  I had a good laugh at it.. My worldview during those days revolves around magical creatures and cartoons... Honestly... Reading ur old diaries shows how you personally evolve.. From the sniffling ponytailed girl to a hot tempered chatering woman... As i dug deeper into the box.. I found my passion which is writing... I found my first short story at the age of 6... On how i was abducted by aliens... Later i found a chapter on my unfinish romance novel.... And other stories that were scribbled on any paper...  I found and autogaraph parchment of mytown and ash teeth.....

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