Being blissfully married (apart from the constant bickering with one's spouse) for the past 3 year, I can say that I'm quite happy and content with what I have and will strive for an improved married life insyaallah. Being born and bred in the Asian culture, your married life is never complete without having a child. Um...! Let me rephrase that, "without having children (hell yes its in plural)!
I bet every childless married couple with face the same dreaded question that I face 'WHEN ARE YOU GUYS HAVING A BABY'. I wish I could receive 10 bucks every time I'm being asked the dreaded question, I would have settled my study loan and maybe even travel around Europe.
To choose to have a child or not to have a child in the Asian context is a very controversial subject and the childless couple will have to answer each and every dreaded question as if one is walking on a tight rope. I will enlighten you with 2 situation that I faced in the past 3 years.
Situation 1.
Friend 1: "oh my god! It's been so long since I have seen you. How's life?"
Me : "Life's good. Have a dream job (not so much of the dream as it turns out to be). Surviving"
Friend 1: "oh I see, You' ve been married for 2 years? (I nodded my head. Hating this conversation as I know where the topic is headed) So how many kids?"
Me: None yet ( I smiled.)
Friend 1: Oh! (And gave me the sympathetic look that means your miserable). Are you guys trying? Have you guys checked?
Me: Huh! (My blood starts to simmer. I gave a not so genuine laugh) hahahah. Oh well, currently we are going with the flow. If Allah say's its time then its time, but if he says no then it is a no :) (hoping that she will drop the subject) \
Friend: Maybe you should see a gynecologist. Your biological clock is ticking and the older you get the tougher it will be".
Me: *smile* ( Blood boiling to a 100 degree. WT %&* just because you have a baby it makes you an expert! And what makes you think I'm effing infertile?"). *smile*
Situation 2.
Friend 2 : Hey heard you're married! I can't believe its with that guy. I thought you guys weren't serious!Me : Me too! *laugh jokingly*
Friend 2: Any kids yet?
Me: Going with the flow, but not complaining as I have a lot of responsibility and we are not that stable yet. We'll see, maybe when i reach 30 *smile*
Friend 2: Do not say that! (Gave me the look as if I have mentioned the F word in front of a child) That is too late to have a child and a child is a "rezeki" from Allah. Insyaallah your life will be better once you have a child. You have to work hard if you want a child. Have you seen any gynecologist?
Me : *smile* (hating this holier than thou people. Why only mention Rezeki? Why not mention a child is the greatest Amanah Allah sent down upon you and your spouse and that you will be accountable for all the action she make until she is married or baligh"
These days if anyone asks me the dreaded question, my answer to them is " Why not ask Allah? He knows best and I am nothing but his humble servant". It shuts most of the people up but the ever persistent one. So do I want a child of my own or not? Well that is none of anyone's business beside me and my spouse.
So for those of you out there who keep asking that kind of question I leave you with 10 reasons why you should just your mouth. The reason are:
1. Its their PRIVACY
2. You will HURT their feeling
3. It is their RIGHT to choose
4. Only Allah can JUDGE
5. WHY do you need to know (for self fulfillment?)
6. You are not going to HELP them to take care of the child
7. You are not going TO GIVE MONEY to help them pay for the child's expenses
8. You are not going to COMMIT your entire life to the child. They are!
9. You are not going to be ACCOUNTABLE for the child's actions. They are!
10. Lastly, it is none of your BUSINESS.
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