officially jobless and pokai

April is slightly a mundane month for me but not for my family..... firstly hasinah/ash is getting engaged this Saturday. my eldest sister kak teena has return from south Africa to deliver her 3rd boy..... as for my activities in April apart from being jobless.... and penniless.... its gonna be my birthday..... am i xcited???? well to tell u the truth all i could say is that.... how do u feel when u have live a quarter of century without making any imprint into the world..... i wish i could stay a teenager forever whereby i lived my life base on my idealistic dream-----> to save the world and humanity.... i realize as we aged (i guess that is a better phrase then saying as u are getting older don't u think) our idealistic dream merely becomes an unachievable dream..... (as it being stamped and steamrolled by that damn reality) so what is my dream at 25???? hurmmmmmmmm................ to tell u the truth i have no idea what is my dream now..... is it getting married and have kids...becoming a good wife and mother???? that is so cliche don't ya think.....

Life is somehow funny...how i wish i could be how i used to be when i was in my teens.... innocent and weird in my own way.... how i miss my old pimply self who is so absorb with her fiction life ( Owh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is how i view my reading... i don't just read...but i live the character...) sometimes i wonder where did it all go wrong??? how come i never took up writing.... baking.... or even beading...... is it my lack of confidence??? my utterly diminishing will power or is it just the universe is against me????? all in all i have decided that i will try my very best to make my idealistic dream possible and will not put marriage as a source of barrier in achieving what i really want in life.....