Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The pink Gypsy Caravan.

i wouldn't mind owning this..
Swoosshhhh... Swoossshhh.. there goes the cobweb.. huff.... and pufff.. there goes the dust. Finally, the blog is cleaned and I'm finaly connected to the wondrous world of the internet.

Lately, I have come to acquire the life of a gypsy... i realize somehow i have manage to become a gypsy twice in my lifetime (till now). My childhood dream has been fulfilled. 

The mystical and wonderful life of a gypsy has always fascinated me.. They travel all over the place and lead a carefree life... but trust me being a a Gypsy in this modern world is no longer appealing... you are no longer surrounded by the lush tree's... no longer can you lead a carefree life as everything in this era comes with a price.

The modern life of gypsy, is coined into a newer term.... "Minimalist"... read an article on this a while ago and i don't think this will be a long term phase for me. Mind you, I did not submit to this lifestyle willingly but was force by circumstances, fate and people that you can never trust.. 

It has it pro's and con's but trust me when you can never find a place to call your own... you will forsake the minimalist life and work hard to acquire that space... and that is what I'm trying to achieve now...

I can no longer think straight... wanna hear the ceramah by ustaz kazim... about the HAjj (pilgrimage)... :) owh i'll be contented to own this kind of space.


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dreamy......


beautiful....


i'll be contented with this caravan space..



the gypsy-ness




i loveeee all this caravan




having tea here will be heavenly

Disclaimer on the photo's... got them from Google...

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Connected


Life is a whirlwind for the most of us.... Our daily life have been consume with our work and other obligation that we tend to forget to stop and ponder the journey of are life... what has made us become what we are today.
Being married and a career women has led me to the life where i swear i would never allowed myself to lead. I have became selfish and self-centered. I no longer allocated my time to my love ones. The life I lead has always been about me and me only.

During this Barakah month of Ramadan, it came to me one day, that I should take this opportunity to start and mingle back with those people that are dear to my heart. How long has it been since i met and spend time with my cousin 'Pijah Odi' and 'Amai'.. the Rosli's sibling that i shared my childhood with, that have never been apart, we were glued for most of our childhood life enjoying the vast adventure that we had in our 'Kampung'. The magical place for any child to grow up.

It wasn't a  plan meeting... destiny brought us together if i may say so myself. This is how it all started:-
After losing tok bee early this year, i realize that life is to short for me to be a workaholic... I felt guilty at the thought that i never spend much of my quality time with my late grandmother... i have been so engross in my life that i just thought she will be there forever. Due to my guilt and not meeting my other grandma (tok Asmah) for quite a long time... i have decided to spend a week with her.. to strengthen the bond that nearly fade. Tok was living with Hafizah and Akmal so I figured its like killing two birds with one stone :)

So yesterday Hafizah had a gathering with her friends... but they decided to cancel it at the last minute. With her being disappointed and me meeting hasinah over for iftar, we decided that we should go and bukak puasa all of us together.....

When we reach KLCC, told Hafizah that i'm gonna spend time with the books at Kinokuniya and let the happy couple spend some time together. After browsing and contemplating i went to pay for the books, that is when i realize to my horror that i have left my wallet and ave 50 cent only in my bag... and yes it could be considered as one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Ironically Ash still hasn't arrive with her husband to save me.

So then i call up akmal, wondering whether he'll be coming for the bukak puasa??? and since he now that i have left my wallet he decided to join us.... and save me by bringing my wallet :)

Later after our Maghrib prayers... the 5 of us.. (Akmal and his friend not included sbb dia nak balik smayang terawikh) so off we went to Starbuck to have a cuppa....

And it was then on..... we talked and laugh as we did when we were 8,7, and 5. We laugh and talk... putting aside our differences... there were so many topics that were covered during the session.... From tok som... Cikgu mengaji paling garang "awak ingat lagi tak macam mana tok som nanti bagi kita gan rotan panjang pasai dok gelak masa mengaji" and "awak ingat lagi tak sigheh (sirih) and gigi maih(emas) dia"...

And there was the Market trip conversation "awak ingat tak macam mana anjing oren yang suka hambat kita bila pi markeet dulu (owh org penang kata pasar---markeet)" and "Bangun pagi-pagi buta beli puti kat ama puri" and "awak ingat tak coin purse satu 20 kupang tue"

And there was the conversation on our toys "best gilaa.... guling-guling dalam kotak turut gon (a cemented hilly slope)" "tue la... yang tue kak taty pnya idea" and "awak ingat dak bila paip pecah kat depan rumah rozal and kita nanti pi buat tue macm swimming pool" "laaa awak ingat macm mana kita kna rotan gan mak bila kita terjon dalam kolah"

i'm gonna miss those moment and thank you guys for making my day.  

Akmal and frens

since were all from penang---> we went to have Penang food
Char Kuey Teow was the main dish including prawn me :)
talk till our hearts content with a cuppa



me, Ash and Faikis (her husband)
trying to brainwash Hafizah to become a die hard coffee addict like me... (^-^)
the only guy standing there is hafizah beu... nasi minyak will be sooner than we think.
my obsession at the moment is NAVY  BLUE




Friday, July 22, 2011

From a 10 ringgit shirt..



Ever since i was a kid, i was never the kind of person to be deluded by brands... Yes i love the high end fashion but it was never in my interest to own one... My choice in material things has always been about the quality rather than the brands itself..

There are times in my life when i buy some pieces of expensive clothing.. It was never and impulse buy.. But a full research was done... Will i often wear it??? Is it durable enough??? Is it comfortable??? Then i would sleep on it... If i still dream about having them... Then i would buy them..

Never in my life have i ever used any1 Else's money to buy anything.. My mom thought me that if u wanna own something... U have to work hard for it...then u shall cherish it..

I don't understand why it bugs me so much.. (I'm blaming the bloody weather for being so hot ) some1 just post a comment on one of my post... And ask me how can i afford some of the stuff i have.. Now that is just plain rude don't ya think???

What makes u have the right to say or even to decide what i can afford and what i could not afford... It is the basis of human rights that human have every rights to acquire the necessity that they need in their daily living..

i work hard to get what i want.. And that is what drives me to be successful... I buy things base on my needs and base on my own capacity to acquire them.. I don't need any tom, dick or harry to point me the guidelines on what i can own and what i could not... U have no right to question me... I wasn't spoon fed like you... And i don't just laze around in the house waiting for the world to be better...

Yes... I don't come from a rich family... And yes I'm not married to a rich husband... But do i still have to buy a 10 ringgit shirt when i can afford a 100 ringgit shirt??? I know where i came from... It made me what i am today... And yes i still remember the years when i own only a pair of cargo pants and 3 shirt of rm 10 each.. Do i resent it??? No... I don't.. And yes i still wear cheap clothes that i bought at a bundle shop that cost 4 ringgit each... I'm not gonna tell you which one... U figure out yourself..
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Friday, July 8, 2011

BERSIH!!! BERSIH!!! BERSIH????

I have always refrain myself from posting any political views on the blog as i have a strong perception of everyone is entitle to their own perception and interpretation of an ideology...
Is BERSIH an ideology?? In some form we can call it an ideology as it is quite unattainable in the near future...
I have always been politically neutral to the extend people percieve me as apolitical... How can a political science student be apolitical just because she refrain herself from joining any political party... I belive political parties are friends with benefits... We joined a political party that caters to our interest rather than keeping into mind the common interest it uphold.. Thus, i prefer to keep my friend with benefit confidential...
Where was i???? Right.. BERSIH... I understand that this certain group call for a transparency and all those democratic crap (excuse my language) in the next general election.. There are two points why i do not agree with the sitiuation..
Firstly the rally has become a hindrance to the people of malaysia when the enforcement decided control the crowd by preventing any1 from entering KL.. This cause a massive jams which is frustrating!!!
Secondly when it comes to mass gathering, one has to bear in mind that there is no such thing as crowd control... The sentiment of of the masses is like a cahin reaction whereby a person starts shouting and others will follow.. They are easily agitated by the rally speech and action of other members... And this theory have been proven by sociologist ( i learned them in my sociology of political behaviour).... And this leaves me with a less desireable outlook on BERSIH.
In order to make things worse, the UMNO YOUTH and PERKASA have decided to hop on the bandwagon but instead of rallying they are condeming and call for a confrantation... Now instead of the walk of democracy, it has become the walk of politics and has been highly politacise by the media...
So due to this unruly educated man and women, the citizen of Malaysia has been put into a situation that is very similiar to a Darurat... But they call it lockdown...
I'm to sleepy to continue.... Damn!!!
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BERSIH!!! BERSIH!!! BERSIH????

I have always refrain myself from posting any political views on the blog as i have a strong perception of everyone is entitle to their own perception and interpretation of an ideology...
Is BERSIH an ideology?? In some form we can call it an ideology as it is quite unattainable in the near future...
I have always been politically neutral to the extend people percieve me as apolitical... How can a political science student be apolitical just because she refrain herself from joining any political party... I belive political parties are friends with benefits... We joined a political party that caters to our interest rather than keeping into mind the common interest it uphold.. Thus, i prefer to keep my friend with benefit confidential...
Where was i???? Right.. BERSIH... I understand that this certain group call for a transparency and all those democratic crap (excuse my language) in the next general election.. There are two points why i do not agree with the sitiuation..
Firstly the rally has become a hindrance to the people of malaysia when the enforcement decided control the crowd by preventing any1 from entering KL.. This cause a massive jams which is frustrating!!!
Secondly when it comes to mass gathering, one has to bear in mind that there is no such thing as crowd control... The sentiment of of the masses is like a cahin reaction whereby a person starts shouting and others will follow.. They are easily agitated by the rally speech and action of other members... And this theory have been proven by sociologist ( i learned them in my sociology of political behaviour).... And this leaves me with a less desireable outlook on BERSIH.
In order to make things worse, the UMNO YOUTH and PERKASA have decided to hop on the bandwagon but instead of rallying they are condeming and call for a confrantation... Now instead of the walk of democracy, it has become the walk of politics and has been highly politacise by the media...
So due to this unruly educated man and women, the citizen of Malaysia has been put into a situation that is very similiar to a Darurat... But they call it lockdown...
I'm to sleepy to continue.... Damn!!!
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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The bus ride...

Let us say... That i hate bus ride... Since like 4ever... And here i'm stuck in these bloody jam and thank 4 the seat... And what does urs trully do on this foresaken bus ride??? I blog.... I guess this will be the only time that i can have a time to myself... Even thou its crowded and smelly... I have to endure it.. As it is the cheapest way to get home... Life is interesting.. Observing my fellow passenger.. One come in2 conclusion that 60 % are and the 40% are malaysian... I realize that most of the 60% DRESS just like klians... Gone were the the synonemous dress code that m'sian tend to label them with... I'm writing this in a general manner as there is some prying on my writing...... With all this multi tasking and writing.. I have only cover 40% of my first bus ride home... Sigh!!!!? blasted jam!!!! Am gonna try to capture the moment..
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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

An Ounce of Hope and a Bucket Full of Prayer

After being stuck in a rut for two month jobless, I’m finally back on track. It was early this month I manage to land one of my biggest breaks for the year 2011. I manage to snag my dream job :) (ps: those who knew me well will have the idea of where I’m currently working).

Currently I’m very contented with my post at the United Nation University as a Human Resource Junior Assistant. My colleagues are the best as they made me feel extremely welcome on my first week of duty.

I have been very passionate in working with the UN for a very long time… here is how it all began….

My father introduces me into the world of UN when during my childhood years. As a child, I find that the best time to spent with my father was during the RTM “Dunia Jam 10”. The reason to this being was that I have a crush on the news anchorman (the Singh guy with a manly voice) and secondly was to question my father the things I heard and the images I saw on the screen…

One night, I heard the word PBB- Persatuan Bangsa-Bangsa Bersatu. I then enquire my dad on the matter it was then he told what UN was and how its charter constitute of Human Rights, Peace Keeping and even equal rights. It was then that I have decided to work with the UN.

My dream at one point became unattainable. Yet I hold on to that ounce of dream in my heart and prayed for a miracle. With the help of my love one prayer I managed to turn my dream into a realization. This is a reminder to myself that whatever the obstacle I might face in years to come, I should hold on to my ounce of hope and seek the help from Allah with a bucket full of prayer I can and will overcome it 



to those who think i'm in my own make belief world.. you know who you are


Friday, May 20, 2011

30 days challenge~ Day 2 : A photo of something you eat today and the meaning behind your name


A photo of something you eat today

 it was a dark and windy afternoon today.. so i decided to cheer up myself with a slab of kak taty's scrumptious chocolate cake :) and two cup of javva just for kicks :)

IT WAS THE BEST... NOW I'M SALIVATING OVER A PICTURE OF MEE REBUS :p

the meaning behind your name

NUR HASANAH =THE LIGHT OF GOODNESS :)

my name is a good reminder  from both of my parents that they i hope that as i grow up, i'll be a good muslim.... Oma..Appa Kamsahamnida :) 



a 3 year old blog post..

 I realize that this days, kids have become technology savvy. Aishah a 3 year old have been obsess with watching Barbie on my phone via phone... she can watch them for 15 minutes non stop... so as i was surfing the net, i got a notification on my e-mail saying that i have update my blog through my phone... which is with aishah...



and this is how she act when she was caught in the act....


1st the guilty face...


then somehow they decide to strike a pose... sigh!!!!

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Monday, April 11, 2011

Letter to a lizard

can anyone spot the lizard???
Dear lizard/gecko or whatever name the worlds call u... I would be pleased and relief if u were to leave me alone for the rest of my life... Our first encounter was when i was 9 when u crawled on my bed and up u when to shake hands with me... Ur slimey and goey like body gives me goosebumps and shivers run down my spine the moment we touch... It was just yuck... Latter in life just the glimpse had me running... I was thankful at the thought u might not approach me again.. But i was wrong... When o reach the age 18, u decided to say hello that was when i found u crawling up my neck... I then thought that was the end of our relationship... But no... U had to try for the 3rd time... That was when i caught u in my shoes just a little to late... After u wriggle at my toe so i decided that the 3rd time is a strike...

After all the bad xperiance i had with u... I decided that i would rather stay away from you that making u my fren... I know Allah create u for a reason and even thou u betray the prophet... I don't find it in me to kill u.. All i did was to repel you from my sanctuary... So u must imagine my suprise when i found u there stuck at that spot... Like its ur sanctuary... For the last time.. Liazard i was never glad to make ur  acquaintance and i never will... So will u please get the hell out from my sanctuary so i can live in peace??


Urs unfaithfully
Hasanah a.akhir


Ps: u wouldn't one me to use a restraining order now would u...
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

30 days challenge~ Day 1 : A photo description of yourself and how your days was including 5 interesting facts about urself

Day 1.a : A PHOTO OF URSELF AND HOW UR DAY WAS 


when i was cute and still adorable :)

Well today was the day i did some spring cleaning in my old room... being married, my room has been pass over to my elder brother. With this, i have to packed my belongings and bring the over to MIL house.. After going through most of the stuff that i own- i kept my own lock of hair when i was 8 (a princess phase). i guess this has to be my fav growing up pictures.. somehow i manage to look adorable.




Day 1.b: 5 interesting facts about urself

1. I never want to be rich- 
      to me a sufficient amount of money for me and my family to   
      get by is all i ever wanted. Material/brands never bother me much but i hate it when i could 
      never buy a good book because i'm slightly off budget. 


2. I hate creepy crawlies and love anything crafty


3. I want to be the UN secretary general, writer, historian and 
    archiologist
     (those are my life longs dream and it can be proved as a valid reason why i do 
      not want to be rich and glamorous).

4. People assume that i'm "open-minded" but actually i'm a little bit  
    conservative 
      ( in a sense that i hold on to old age tradition as long as it is within the boundaries of Islam.... 
       somehow i love the stereotypical role of a women but it doesn't mean i can be stepped upon)


5. I'm shy but talkative
     when being in an unfamiliar grounds i tend to be a shy wallpaper but once the adaptation occur--  
      - i'm a happy little chatterbox that could go on forever.



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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The 30 Days Challenge


I bet most of the Blogger suffer from a writers  blogger block. I really wanted to update my blog, but i realize I'm suffering from Blogger Block. And i have finally find the cure for it after reading this blog "life is a big Canvas". So I goggled about it and found 2 different sets of the 30 days challenge... since i can't decide which i wanna do so i have decided that i would do both :) lets hope this time i manage to keep this challenge instead of doing it 1/2 way.

The first set

Credits to  twenty  four carat


The 2nd set

credits to me i think


Sunday, March 13, 2011

Berita Harian Cartoon made it into the CNN

The controversial Cartoon that made Malaysia Famous for all the wrong Reason
The above cartoon is extracted from today's berita harian... what is your view on this matter? is it because its a pro-government own paper that they allow such insensitive publication. I do not find it funny at all.. for a person to make a joke over something so devastating i wonder whether he has a heart.

Does he not understand the degree of devastation that is going on in Japan... does he not care for the life lost there...  I pray for Japan.. for its ppl and for its children... shall Allah bless them with perseverance and strong Faith.

PS: thank u Zoy for making Malaysia famous for all the wrong reason

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Melancholic workerholic

Sighhhhhh!!?! I am officially a melancholic workerholic!!! This week start with a very bad footing for urs trully... With all those bloody office politics.. I was so demotivated to work. later i start being depress with the situation i'm in... It seems as if there is no hope left for me to pursue my dreams and my fairytale seems to be a lil bit shaky... So mr melancholic gave me a tap on the shoulder and wanted to b my companion.. I agreed with this lil union and welcome him with and open hand... It was not until yesterday day that i manage dispel the bond i have with mr meloncholic... The dispelment came in the form of those lovely toddlers at home.. Their laughter replace my frown and their hugs warm the icecicles in my heart.. All hope return ro me and the jump is back in my steps... I guess this is the best therapy for de-stressing urself... Thank u kids... U guys sure make my world goes round :-))
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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Painted

my painting tools :)

           Ever since i was a child, my amusement has always been on makeups... It always amaze me how by just slathering a lippy on your lips can make all the changes in the world..

                 Later when my worldview has turn slightly philosophical , i perceive the human face as an empty canvas where you can paint it however you like it to be, goth, sunny, natural, classic u name it. Unlike a real painting u can never erase it if there were to be mistake.But a face is like a blackboard.. mistakes can be erase and re-painted.

                As i reach my adulthood, with a painted face i can muster all the confidence i need.. It can help me improvise certain features that I'm  extremely proud off.. It helps me to muster up my courage whenever i'm in a pinch. I do believe in natural beauty but lets be realistic... Not everyone is beautiful and sometimes you need a little help to bring out your hidden beauty. 

              So there you have it, my very own confession on why i wear makeup... but my makeup regime depends on my mood... if i need that extra boost of confidence... i'll be applying some. But when i'm mellow down to the core,, i prefer an unpainted one :) So what is your understanding of wearing makeup??
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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A chuggers life...


At this point in my life, i feel like a chugger who has run out of fuel.. While i keep on chuging as hard as i could, my chuging has taken its toll.. This is the 1st time in my life i feel so stressed out... I feel like i can no longer chug around this track. As i dock myself.. I realize i need a moment to pause and review my life longs goals... Does this track leads me to my destination or does it takes me bck to the dock and keep on circling the same track 4 the rest of my life.. Whatever the consequences is, this chugger has decided to make the best of everything she has... So off this pink lilttle goes chunging into a brand new day. But she never stop praying and hoping that tomorrow will be better than today..


Why do i associate myself with chuggers is that i belive i'm very much like brewster of chugington... I keep chunging to my hearts content without realizing the damage i've done
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Monday, February 21, 2011

a moment of contemplation




To what reason she left her blog untended was unknown even to her... Maybe adapting to a new environment and the new phase of her life made her ponder the very reason of creating a blog. Ever since the web and internet became a fad, she has always keep up with the latest network trend.. From bloging to social network till games.. Name it.. She has it. It was in her years as a matric student, she started bloging.. Firstly was through the myspace blog.. Later opening her own blogger account. Bloging was a mechanism for her to express herself and to polish her skill in writing for she wanted to be a writer... She finds that blogging is a way for her voice to be heardv as there is no longer. . So what kind of blogger is she?? UNIVERSAL.. She address issues that matters to her the most and her day 2 day experiance... So does anyone reads her blog?? She will never know ....
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Thursday, January 20, 2011

falsies alert.

aishah and her first falsies

Kids are growing up so fast this days... Once i read and article about mark and spencer catering bras for 6 year old and make up for younger girls. I do belive its due to the media and ones upbringing...
When i was a toddler, around the age of 6 my obsession were on books and insect (which scare the hell out of me once i reach puberty) and trying to get the catch of the day ( it has to be a pregnant peacock fish or the most colorful tail). Its sad to see how kids lost their innocentness and their charm at a young age.. Gone were the days of enid blyton children and their replacement are bratz... I wish when i have kids later in my marriage life.. They will be obsess with books and and all the other things that children my era would love and may they keep their innocent a little longer.. Coming back to the picture, ash cut out some old falsies and make her wear em... The picture best describe my discussion above and i name the picture.. The lost of innocence... Some how the falsies and aishah just seem wrong.. There is no balance to her features... I hope she will retain her child like charm in many years to come and may she be patience with her childhood and age so that she wont be so eager to grow up...
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being married..

i just love this picture :)

Let me tell u this being married is hard... Its not all the fairytale u thought its gonna be... I prepared myself for all kind of sticky and challenging situation but i have nver been more annoyed by this situation coz i keep getting stuck with this same question like a hundread time... The essence is the same but they tend to repharse depending on the person who quarries it.. Nearlly 50% of the ppl i meet will ask whether i'm preggers or not?? I bet what they really want to know is... Have u done it... I don't blame the inqusitive nature of the human mind but i hate it went i gave an upfront answer... I get a backlash.. Sometime i wish the comunity will be a little bit more open on the problems and issues of the newly weds... At one point in my life i think i'm a gonner but after endless of search of the truth i found that i'm just normal.. The next time any1 ask if i'm preggars or not i'll just turn a deaf ear and ignore them.. Ur mayb the elders but at time due to the rigidity that you impose.. Ppl like me and the other newly weds are left in the dark with the things we thought that could never happen actually happen.. So i'm sorry if my answer were to direct or to upfront... I thought i was just being honest.. I didn't know that my honesty was consider un-norm like.. So i guess i'm sorry that i do not follow the norm.. And about getting preggers... It'll happen when Allah permits it and when Allah knows the both of us are ready.. For Allah knows best and ALLAH is the only one who understand me best.. So i just hope ppl will just lay off on when i'm getting preggers... I have a wonderful husband and i'm thankful of that..
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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

home made macaroons

i swoon at the sight of macaroons :)

Well if the usual home made macaroon comes in pretty lil boxes.. My macaroons comes in plastic 4 sen... I'm xtremely happy that i finally get to have a bite of this lovely thing... This macaroon was made by my sister colegue.. A baker with 20 years of xperiance and a french... I'm extremly lucky to have a culinary lecturer as my sister... I get goof food for free... She bought a book on macroons... Which is cool coz i can borrow... And start making my own... Now all i need is an oven...


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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

to blog or not to blog...

I wish to be able to blog everyday but time and internet connection does not permit me to... Currently most of my bloging are post via mobile blogger droid software.. So the very basic thing for me to do is post a picture an write bout it... So i'm in a mojor turmoil in deciding whether or not i should give up blogging... I have and endless list of what to write about... But could nver had the time like used to with being married and workin.. To blog or not to blog thay is the question...
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Friday, January 7, 2011

waiting....

When i finally tie the knot, i was prepared for some tremendous changes. But alas, nothing change.. I'm still here waiting.. And waiting.. Will there ever be a time when i can just stop waiting... Life hasn't been kind to me lately.. And i hate the very place i stand on... Being belittle.. Treating me like i'm not worth a cent.. I don't really need this... My alergies are bck and so does my fungal infection.. I'm know i'm being emotional.. But what can i do... Whatever it is i prayed that Allah will cast upon me some silver linings durings this turbulent times... I miss the day when i was young and carefree of the ups and downs of the world... Where nothings irks me and being joyfull and contented with the ppl around me... I'm praying for a positive vibe everyday..
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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Life 101 lesson…

There are times in my life when I feel xtremly small. I’m dire need of different environment. At times I could not comprehend my existence here. If it were to be on the basis of self help, than I prefer to be someplace else… I wouldn’t mind the feeling of disheartening from a human being; I wouldn’t want to have to know this is how he viewed me. Life has its up and downs, currently I’m at the bottommost level. I need to step up my game. I hate being so helpless;